I’m thrilled to share some appreciation for my friend and mentor, Vanessa Van Edwards. I first discovered Vanessa’s work in 2017 through her book, Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People. Since then, I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing her on the BookThinkers podcast, taking a long walk with her in Austin, TX, and even inviting her to speak at our event last year. Vanessa has been incredibly kind and generous throughout our journey together. Her recent book, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication, has been equally enlightening.
Here are three powerful lessons I’ve learned from Vanessa:
1. Tell authentic, memorable stories 🎙️👏🏼
Vanessa emphasizes the importance of authenticity in storytelling. In a survey conducted by Science of People, over 1,000 readers agreed that the most annoying social habit is being fake. By sharing genuine stories that reflect our true selves, we connect more deeply with others and leave a lasting impression. Authentic stories resonate because they are relatable and memorable, creating a strong bond between the storyteller and the audience.
2. Always be a highlighter 📈👍🏼
One of the most impactful lessons Vanessa teaches is the power of highlighting the strengths of others. By focusing on and celebrating the positive traits and achievements of those around us, we not only uplift them but also create a positive and supportive environment. This approach not only helps others feel valued and appreciated but also strengthens relationships and builds a sense of community. Being a highlighter means actively looking for and acknowledging the best in people.
3. Charisma = Warmth + Competence 😊➕🤓
According to Vanessa, charisma is a blend of warmth and competence, two key traits that shape over 82% of our impressions of others. Warmth makes us approachable and likable, while competence earns respect and trust. The most charismatic individuals find the perfect balance between these traits, projecting confidence without arrogance and kindness without being overly accommodating. Mastering the cues of warmth and competence can significantly enhance our interpersonal interactions and make us more influential and engaging.
Thank you, Vanessa, for being an inspiring force and for your contributions to understanding the science of people!
See you next week!
